You're driving on the 101 and see a clear cut definition of where the smog begins and ends - too true
You go to a karaoke bar and battle with seven year old divas-in-training who are trying to steal your thunder
You're sitting in traffic for at least an hour at any given part of the day
You go to the beach and see that real lifeguards actually do look like the lifeguards from Baywatch - not sure about this one
You see purple and gold and the word "Threepeat" on every corner
You begin to "lie" to your friends about where you are (i.e. "Yeah I'm like 20 minutes away") - when you know that it'll take you at least an hour to get there).
You eat a different ethnic food for every meal
You look around at the nice cars around you during traffic, thinking it'll be your favorite Laker or WB star.
You make a conscious choice to watch Jay Leno over David Letterman - or neither one
You mourned for Tupac and not for Biggie - this one is sad
You know it's best not to be on the 405 at 4:05 pm.
Getting anywhere from point A to point B, no matter what the distance, takes about "twenty minutes".
You know what neighborhood someone lives in by the degree of damage incurred during the riots.
You've inadvertently learned Spanish.
You've got to bring the cat/plants in when it drops to 55 degrees.
In the "winter", you can go to the beach and ski at Big Bear on the same day.
You've bumped into a celebrity at El Pollo Loco.
You know what "sigalert", "PCH", and "the five" mean.
Your pizza delivery guy is also on contract with Warner Bros.
If your destination is more than 5 minutes away on foot, you're definitely driving.
You have a gym membership because it's mandatory.
Your TV show is interrupted by a police chase. and you recognize the intersection
You can't fall asleep without the lull of a helicopter flying overhead. - the soothing roar of the freeway will do.. it sounds like the ocean
When tourists ask where they can get souvenirs, you direct them to Venice Beach. - Venice Beach always makes the foreigners happy
You know someone named Freedom, Rainbow, Persephone or Destiny. - yeah, although we don't talk very often
You've trespassed through private property to get to the "Hollywood" sign.
You've partied in Tijuana at least once.
You know Hollywood has a "lake". - i swam in it!
You don't stop at a STOP sign, you do a California Roll. - LOL
You've lost your car in the Century City Shopping Center parking lot. - yep!
You've ever bought oranges, flowers, cherries or peanuts on a freeway off-ramp. - mmm those are good oranges too
You think that Venice is a beach.
You drive next to a Rolls Royce and don't notice.
You've started crossing a street and returned to the curb when the DON'T WALK sign started flashing. - huh? who came up with this one??
You've never listened to NPR.
Calling your neighbors requires knowing their area code.
You have a favorite Thai restaurant. - one for each neighborhood, actually
You think Johnnny Rocket's is an accurate depiction of a diner. - oh come on just because we're Angeleno's doesn't make us all stupid! (just most of us)
You think Manhattan is a beach.
You eat pineapple on pizza. - got one on the way right now
You've been to Disneyland more times than Downtown. - i think this applies more to Orangeans than Angeleno's
When giving directions , you follow up with the phrase: "With/Without traffic." - you mean when giving time estimates
You classify new people you meet by their Area Code. An "818" would never date a "562" and anyone from "323" or "213" is ghetto/second class. Best area code: "310." - ok now this one is a little out of line.. i mean, sure, I'm 310 today (cuz I'm the best), but all the coolest and most fun people i know are 213 or 323.. i mean, would you call Snoop Dogg second class??
Driving along, you see a high-speed police chase approaching in your rear view mirror. You don't panic or even flinch. Instead, you call your friends on your car phone and tell them you're on TV.
You know that if you drive two miles in any direction you will find a McDonald's or a Starbucks.
Your cell phone has left a permanant impression on the side of your head. - more like on the side of my brain
You never, ever go into the water at the Beach. You barely touch the sand. - beach? what's that?
Everyone you know has 3+ phone numbers. Home, Office, mobile, pager, two-way, voicemail.....
It is not unusual for your waitress at a restaurant to have blue streaked hair, a dragon tattoo and tounge piercing. - makes me feel at home
You are awakened in the middle of the night by a moderate earthquake. Your reply: "That ain't even a 5-pointer" and go back to sleep. - awakened?
You think you are better than the people who live "Over the Hill". It don't matter which side of the hill you are currently residing, you are just better than them, for whatever reason.
You live 10 miles from work. It takes you 60 minutes to get home.
Walking out of Jamba Juice, you see that a movie is being shot on-location across the street.
You are not happy, or even slightly excited that there may be a movie star there. You just say, " They f*ckin better not be blocking my parking space."
You have to yell at your bank teller through a 2 inch thick wall of plexi-glass. - yeah, they've really been giving me the cold shoulder ever since i pulled on a gun on them
That last one goes for your local convienence store man, too. - my local convenience store man replaced my alternator for me
You go to Las Vegas for a weekend getaway and the whole trip cost you $50. - um?
You personally know at least 5 people with agents.
You personally know at least 3 people who have been in a movie or TV show.
You know what In N Out is and feel bad for all the other states because they don't have any.
You know that not everyone in Beverly Hills is a millionaire.
You know who the tinsel underwear dude in Venice Beach is. - yes, but do you?
You've done something on a street corner in an attempt to get money (i.e. sang, tap danced, told jokes). - hmm.. this seems like more of a San Franciscan thing to me
You've gotten parking tickets from parking in the red zone in front of your house. - blocking the sidewalk while parked in my own driveway - but, i'm blessed just to have a driveway
You say you live in LA when really you live in a subsection of a subsection of a subsection of southern LA. - LA county is LA county
Any major movie star is picking out the best portobello mushrooms next to you at the grocers and you don't notice.
The guy at 8:30 in the morning at Starbucks wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney IS George Clooney.
You really can never be too rich or too thin.
The gym is packed at 3pm...on a workday.
The workday starts at 10am...or whenever you get out of your therapy session.
Any invitation comes with, "Starts at 8pm or as soon as you can get through traffic."
You have never met a waiter that wasn't really an "Actor."
You never go to a coffee house without a copy of a script - any script. - you dork
It's sprinkling and there's a report on every news station about "STORM WATCH '99" - storm watch '04, maybe?
You call 911 and they put you on hold. - they really do
You have to leave the big company meeting early because Billy Blanks himself is teaching the 4:30 tae-bo class.
The three hour traffic jam you just sat through wasn't caused by a horrific 9 car pile-up, but by everyone slowing to rubberneck at a lost shoe lying on the shoulder.
A nurse can look at you in all seriousness and ask, "you don’t drink or smoke, right?" - what hospital do you go to? i tell my doctor about my habits by listing the few things I DON'T do.. quicker that way
All the "cool gyms" allow pedestrians on the street a full-view of those working out. Literally, you can’t drive by Wilshire without staring into L.A. Fitness. Perhaps a new form of window shopping? - yeah, there's a good view at the 24-hour fitness on Olympic too
The hot seasonal party favor is a candied apple from Neiman's. The apples are called "Skinny Dippers." - do natives actually go there?
The waitress asks if you'd like "carbs" in your meal. - every restaurant has re-done their menu to highlight lo-carb specials
Bars card. For real. - some of them, I guess. What does this have to do with LA?
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Los Angeles.